Chibi Fantasy: The Fault of Destiny
by StarlightPrince
Summary: After defeating Disney and kicking the snot out of Sephiroth, Our dubious midget heroes find themselves in a race against time to stop a terrible plague from destroying the world. To do so they will need help from there greatest Foe, Sephiroth and a gunbl
1. Chapter I: The Quest Begins

Today we Join our heroes already in the mist of defending Chibania from the forces of Evil.  
  
"Holy @#%$! That hurt" exclaimed Cloud as he recovered from being thrown into a tree by the Rune Monster.  
Barrett ran to the left, Tifa dashed from the right, and Cid leap high into the air. Aeris was busy putting flowers in her hair and mumbling something about the fuzz. The beast's horned tongue lashed at Barrett as he unloaded on the heavy armor of the Rune Monster. Luckily, for Tifa, Barrett had the monsters attention. In single motion, she leapt and double dropkicked the fiend causing its head to shatter. Seconds later, Cid and his lance impaled the beast. The impacts sent the spiny tongue wriggling through the air. The tongue hit Aeris, who wishes to be called Brittany because the 'man' gave her the name Aeris, in the back of the head. Cloud returned to the battle. He was pissed. It was time to end this battle finally. He lifted his sword high and executed his limit break the Faultless Anger. The buster sword swirled with energy and shook with power.  
  
"REALLY BIG DAMN SWORD ATTACK!!!!!" he shouted as he sprung at the Rune Monster. His blade came down cutting the beast in two.  
  
"Really big damn sword attack?" Cid asked skeptically.  
  
Cloud just shrugged and nodded.  
  
"Great job team, it looks like that monster won't be bothering us anymore," Cloud said returning his sword to its sheathe.  
  
"Brittany!" shouted Tifa.  
  
"Sweet Jesus! The beotch has done got a tongue stuck to her head" Barrett exclaimed.  
  
Cloud ran over and pulled the impaled spike from her. Her skin was pale white and her eyes were fighting to stay open. She boiled with fever.  
  
"It looks like she's even more baked that usual. We need to get her to the elders quick," Cid commanded taking a drag of his cigarette.  
  
(*)__(*) (*)__(*) (*)__(*) (*)__(*) (*)__(*) (*)__(*) (*)__(*) (*)__(*)  
  
At the temple of the wise, Kerlif examined Brittany. Carefully he lowered the girl onto the bed. She was teetering now with chills and a grey rash had covered her chest. She gazed absently into Cloud's eyes.  
  
"Was she bit by a Rune Monster by any chance?" Kerlif asked Cloud.  
  
"Yeah. sort of... the tongue got stuck in the back of her head," he answered.  
  
"Well, I'm sorry but she is suffering from a plague the beast carries called Stranger's Rash. She will suffer in pain for a few days and then become petrified," Kerlif stated bluntly.  
  
Cid chuckled. "So you mean the little pothead is going to learn the meaning of stoned?"  
  
Kelif shot him an evil look and replied, "Yes, but what is worse is the rash is highly infectious and will spread fast unless.."  
  
Cid grew a look of disdain on his face, "Shit here it comes."  
  
Kelif continued, "You journey to find The three parts of the Heavenly Necklace of the Winterlands."  
  
"I knew it a god damn @#$! Quest!" Cid shouted.  
  
Barrett "That sounds awful dangerous. Can't we jus give her Robitussin or some @#$%!"  
  
"Here comes the '@#$! Were all doomed' part in 3.2.1," Cid mumbled lighting up a smoke.  
  
"If you don't go all will perish," Kelif said menacingly.  
  
"Wow that sucks," Tifa said bluntly.  
  
"Screw it I ain't risking my butt for some burn out, %^&*! Mickey Mouse was bad enough." Barrett spat.  
  
Cloud asked "Where is your sense of Honor, Barrett?"  
  
Barrett snapped at him, "Sorry I don't believe in no code of Bullshit like you do!"  
  
"That's Bushido, idiot," Cloud said hotly.  
  
Cloud started getting excited thinking about the adventure, " YAY a quest! Action Adventure, Wild, rough, sweaty animalistic sex with Tifa-  
  
Everyone except Tifa starred at him. Cloud turned red  
  
"I mean. heh.. heh. danger, yeah heheh.."  
  
Tifa licked her lips and winked at him.  
  
Cid paid no mind; he hated quests. "Well that settles it another week of assholes to the rescue. yay me," he moaned.  
  
As they started to leave, Sephiroth appeared in a puff of purple smoke. Everyone drew their weapons. "What do you want, faggot!" Cid yelled between his teeth.  
  
"I have come to aid you," He said with a lisp, "You see her death without my involvement just feels so icky. I kill her, you all @#$! me up or kill me. She comes back, I come back. Besides I brought cookies,"  
  
Tifa started at the chocolate chip morsels. "Ummm cookies.. I'm sold," she declared.  
  
Cid lowered his lance and muttered, " Fine as long as his over-the-rainbow ass isn't in my group.I don't want to have to be afraid to tie my own boots for Christ sakes."  
  
Kelif and a young Amazon chibi-woman came running from the temple.  
  
"Wait you forgot to hear the last part," he exclaimed, " To find the first piece you must take the Chalcedony Cutlass to the Princess that Justifies Hours. Mirage will show you the way."  
  
The tall blue eye chibi with short flippy blond hair stepped forward. Her muscular body was garbed in a scarlet robe with slit sides to the waist. She wore heavy black boots and carried a gunblade. The woman bowed before her fellow adventurers. She joined the group and they headed for the Delorean and the minivan.  
  
"Okay, Tifa and Sephy, you come with me in the Delorean. Barrett, Cid and Mirage you take the Minivan. Let's head to the weapons shops now." Cloud commanded.  
  
"Man I always get stuck wit the minivan. I ain't no @#$!ing soccer mom!" Barrett complained  
  
"Shotgun!" Sephiroth shouted with a flick of his hair.  
  
Cid had his eyes all over Mirage. He thought she was the hottest thing since rocket town.  
  
"Hey Mirage, do you work for the post office?" he asked.  
  
She turned and looked at the disheveled chain smoker before her. "No why?"  
  
"Cause I swore you were checking out my package," laughed the Captain.  
  
The blunt end of a gunblade cracked him over the skull.  
  
"All Hell no! I ain't going through days o dis @#%! Cloud," Barrett called to him.  
  
But Cloud was already inside the weapon shop.  
  
(*)__(*) (*)__(*) (*)__(*) (*)__(*) (*)__(*) (*)__(*) (*)__(*) (*)__(*)  
  
"Welcome to the Shop," A little bald man greeted the warriors.  
  
"Okay I want 6 silver God Mails, 6 ribbons, 6 Elven bracers, a premium heart, an annihilator gunarm, a Spear of Odin, and an Ultima Weapon. please." Cloud said.  
  
"That will be 625,452 gil sir," the bald man answered.  
  
"Um. what can you give me for 50 bucks?" Cloud said sheepishly.  
  
"Oh this Murasame is so long and hard it gives me the willies," Sephiroth said admiring a 20ft long sword.  
  
(*)__(*) (*)__(*) (*)__(*) (*)__(*) (*)__(*) (*)__(*) (*)__(*) (*)__(*)  
  
Cloud left the weapons shop with his new purchases: 6 used tin vests, 6 bandanas saying "I'm with stupid(", 6 jelly bracelets, a glove with a rake sewn on it, a mop and a baseball bat with a nail stuck in it.  
  
Sephiroth walked out of the store with his band new Murasame. It gleamed in the light and split hairs with the slightest touch.  
  
"Hey how did you get that!" Cloud Grumbled.  
  
"Easy I told him I was Sephiroth. The sword or his life. Being a feared villain has fringe benefits."  
  
"You just suck you know that" Cloud said dropping the load of crap bought right in the trash.  
  
Cid approached the two. "I can't believe you couldn't get anything good,"  
  
"Well I'm sure we will find better upgrades randomly stashed in caves or treasure box along our travels," Cloud said.  
  
The team got in their cars and were off.  
  
"Would it kill these bastards to make a @#$! drug store, Christ" Cid grumbled.  
  
"We must go to the top of Mt. Wyvern, for the Princess that Justifies Hours dwells in a porcelain tower just beyond the lava pits," Mirage instructed Barrett and Cloud.  
  
"This just gets better and better," Cid exclaimed loudly. 


	2. Chapter II: On the Road Again

After an hour of driving our heroes come to the Town of Edermore. Next to the town lies a large swamp and an impassible forest.  
  
"Well this looks rather interesting. Cid your team will explore the swamp. I will take my group into Edermore and look for any information on how to get to Mt. Wyvern." Cloud commanded.  
  
"I'll be at the Jewel store," Tifa shouted racing into the town.  
  
Before them stood Edermore, a large village with Roman styled building and a medieval castle situated in the town center. Cloud scanned the town for anyone that looked as if they could be of help. Then he spotted a warrior arguing with a castle guard.  
  
"Looks like they could be of some help" Cloud told Sephiroth.  
  
"Okay you talk to them, I'm going to hit the bar and inn to see what info I can gather." Sephiroth said.  
  
The two parted ways and Cloud made his way through the square toward the Castle.  
  
"What do you mean, the princess has been missing for months? The only place left to look is Mt. Wvyen." The warrior shouted.  
  
"I'm sorry but the king is not risking his men on a suicide mission. Not only is Wyvern blocked by the magical impassible forest filled with horrible monsters, but the swamp is protected by a fierce guardian that devours all in its path," the guard persisted.  
  
These words hit Cloud in the gut. He had sent Cid and the others to investigate.  
  
(*)__(*) (*)__(*) (*)__(*) (*)__(*) (*)__(*) (*)__(*) (*)__(*) (*)__(*)  
  
"This swamp smells worst than yer cooking Barrett," Cid said now knee high in swamp water. "Shudd up and keep going," Barrett insisted.  
  
"Hey guys I just found a steel breastplate, some lightning materia and a destruction lance in a treasure chest randomly tossed into this swamp," Mirage said tossing the lance to Cid.  
  
"Convenient, not in the 7-11 kinda way either, bad convenient," Cid said cautiously scanning the swap for danger.  
  
"Hey cut it out, Cid," Barrett yelled at him.  
  
"What?" Cid turned and looked at him, "All Hell. this is one of those cliché moments every game has where the monster randomly appears and nobody was expecting it right?"  
  
As if on cue, the enormous Rotan Squid rose from the swamp with a hideous moan of anger. "Shit that thing is big and ugly," Cid said as the cigarette fell from his dropped jaw.  
  
(*)__(*) (*)__(*) (*)__(*) (*)__(*) (*)__(*) (*)__(*) (*)__(*) (*)__(*)  
  
"I'm sure it's nothing they can't handle. I wonder what kind of materia they have here?" Cloud said turning towards the magic shop.  
  
(*)__(*) (*)__(*) (*)__(*) (*)__(*) (*)__(*) (*)__(*) (*)__(*) (*)__(*)  
  
"Run away!" Barrett screamed like a scared kindergartner. Cid and Barrett blew pass Mirage who stood battle ready.  
  
"Where are you guys going?" She yelled at them.  
  
"Anywhere but here. Oh man I am never going to eat calamari again," Barrett shouted still running at top speed.  
  
"Ok babies, Mommy will kill the big bad monster for you," Mirage said as the monster stood inches from her face.  
  
"That girl's nuttier than squirrel shit," Cid said in disbelief.  
  
"Thundaga," she chanted closing her eyes and folding her hands . A fierce bolt of lighting tore through the sky and struck the Squid. As it stood paralyzed she charged at the monster with her gunblade.  
  
"Deathblow!" She cried.  
  
She set to work slicing and slashing at the beast as Cid and Barrett watched.  
  
"Oh man that's gotta hurt. I think its dead now.. Ok you can stop hacking it to piec- Sweet God, I ain't never seen so much blood in my life," Barrett said as bits of monster flew past his head.  
  
"Damn! Give Quentin Tarrentino that bitch's number," Cid exclaimed.  
  
After doing her Kurosawa I-just-punched-your-ticket pose, Mirage walked back towards her party. Blood dappled her face and stained her gunblade. Cid and Barrett just gapped at her.  
  
"Sushi anybody?" she said holding out a piece of the monster.  
  
Barrett fainted.  
  
"Yer awful sexy when yer ruthlessly massacring yer enemies," Cid said, "You like computers?"  
  
" Why do you ask?" Mirage responded.  
  
"Cause I got a floppy for yer A-drive," He returned.  
  
"Was it something I said?" Cid questioned as she threw a chunk of monster at his head.  
  
(*)__(*) (*)__(*) (*)__(*) (*)__(*) (*)__(*) (*)__(*) (*)__(*) (*)__(*)  
  
Back at the Bar, Sephiroth was enjoying his vampire's vengeance. Various NPCS had given him the Burning Jewel of Strength, a few phoenix downs, three steel armlets, a fire materia and a pair of panties.  
  
"It sure is nice to be famous," he said looking at the blue thong before him, "If only she were more masculine."  
  
Cloud walked in carrying a sack full of ethers, potions, lightning, ice, and cure materia.  
  
"Suckers, I traded them all those jelly bracelets for this stuff," he said to Sephiroth.  
  
Tifa shortly followed with a nice diamond pendant, an emerald bracelet and diamond studded brass knuckles.  
  
"TIFA, DID YOU BLOW ALL OF OUR GIL ON THAT CRAP?!" Cloud said in a panic.  
  
"Come on now, sweetie, do you think I would be that selfish? I didn't use money to pay for this stuff," She said coyly.  
  
"Ahem." Sephiroth began, "Well so far I have gathered that this impassible forest cannot be crossed no matter what. Some crazy old wizard petrified it years ago to stop people from stealing his apples. What is more is I have gathered intel on the monsters we will face ahead: The Vampire Masks, the Torture Gars, and the Infected Golems. But mostly we have to watch out for the Bishop of Madness that lives at the summit of the volcano."  
  
"Well, I guess we can go find the others now," Cloud said satisfied with their trip.  
  
Just then YMCA came on over the jukebox.  
  
"Oh hey its my favorite song!" Sephiroth jumped up from his stool. He ran to the dance floor and started dancing.  
  
"Oh my God." Cloud said in complete shock.  
  
"I said young man. da da da duh da" Sephiroth sung. 


End file.
